A Modest Proposal for Republicans

Leftists are sort of giddy these days. Between mass upheavals in Egypt and Wisconsin—two places that before this week had never been mentioned in the same sentence—belief in the potential of collective action by ordinary people has been reaffirmed.

Of course, the scale and stakes between Egypt’s revolution and Wisconsin’s battle for union rights are hardly comparable. But in their own ways, struggle against injustice and the power of working-class people to unite are on display in ways most of us have only read about in history books. We are all Egyptians! And yes, we are all Badgers, too!

I’d like to address the gripes of those on the right, such as Governor Walker in Wisconsin and his Republican cohorts in Congress who believe that at the core of all evil lies the danger of big government. I have a modest proposal for the Republicans and all the Tea Flotsam across the nation.

Given their expressed hostility to government intervention in the lives of ordinary people—except when it comes to bringing in the National Guard against workers and murdering Brown people in foreign lands—I suggest we grant them their wish. Walker, Flotsam and Co. should reject all pesky intrusions by federal agencies and recuse themselves from receiving any “big government entitlements” that they all so deeply despise.

Yes, I think we should allow them to stop paying taxes so that they can politically and socially secede from the Union. First, that would require that these public officials all step down and resign their offices, since tax dollars pay their salaries and benefits. No worries, guys, I hear Wal-Mart’s hiring.

Of course, they would no longer be eligible for any form of Social Security, disability benefits through SSI, Medicare, Medicaid etc.  But let’s not stop at the obvious “entitlements.”

The national highway system was constructed in the 1950s with federal tax dollars, as those ubiquitous plaques at highway rest stops acknowledging Eisenhower’s contribution to killing mass transit remind us. So of course, they would be barred from driving on the highways (and no potty stops either, those quintessentially American toilets with vending machines assuring we all have access to excessive amounts of sugar, fat and salt are paid for with tax dollars too!).

State and local roads, plus subways and el trains in the 4 or 5 cities where they actually exist, would also be off limits to them. Bike lanes, by the way, are courtesy of those pesky state coffers, but I think a simple tollway for them on pedestrian sidewalks (more taxes at work) should provide an adequate compromise.

While we’re on the topic of transportation, let us not forget that the department charged with preventing airplanes from crashing into one another and wings falling off midair, the Federal Aviation Administration, is also a tax hog. So flying’s out, even in the center, eat-your-knees seat.

We encounter a major glitch when it comes to the issue of public health. Since Walker, Flotsam and Co. could never accede to federally imposed inoculations, thus posing a threat to the rest of us, we need to consider a relocation plan. I’ve scoured the map and come up with an equitable proposal.

I would wager that one of the Pacific atoll nations about to be submerged beneath rising waters as a result of climate change might be willing to sell their property or even swap with lands currently owned by this Star Wars bar of bigots and Flat Earthers whose McMansions are built on safe ground in the United States. The real beauty of this plan is that since the anti-government gang doesn’t believe in global warming, they might actually go for such a venture.

I’ve merely scratched the surface here, but I think you get my point. Spreading upheavals across the globe are posing one vision of society—democratic, inclusive, economically just. Yet the people who cling tenaciously to a Lord of Flies notion of society where it’s each man for himself—and I do mean man—should practice what they preach. Leave the rest of us alone!

Sherry Wolf—Public Speaker, Writer and Activist—is author of  Sexuality and Socialism, associate editor of the ISR and writes for socialistworker.org. She lives in Brooklyn, NY.


4 responses to “A Modest Proposal for Republicans

  1. “Tea Flotsam,” that’s good.

    Also, once on their Fantasy Island, no big-gubmint internet/satellite gadgets allowed. And no regular USPS mail service (good luck getting privatized FedEx or UPS coverage out there).

  2. Pingback: Evolution of Consciousness » Blog Archive » We Are All Welfare Queens

  3. Yes, to psychotic dreamer like yourself, people who believe in balanced budgets and fairness cannot be understood. Other middle-class individuals like myself who pay the taxes to sustain the benefits and salaries for public employees are somehow “less-important” to mentally sick, leftists who are more interested in becoming known for insane viewpoints than for dealing with the facts.

    And hey Sherry, since you are such a self-appointed human rights defender -how come no comments on Iran or China?

    Oh that’s right, they are enemies of the US/West, so they cannot be singled out the way the jews of israel or the US is by filthy racists like yourself and your appalling comrades. No comments on the recent mass suicide bombings in pakistan, like the one conducted by a 12-year old. But then again, in the mentally sick minds like yours, arab muslim = good, jew = bad.

    You are a disgrace of a human being.

    • I’ve approved this comment, and others like it, to give my real readers a sense of the degradation of debate coming from the right. Naturally, I have always opposed the crimes of China, Iran, etc. and all other tyrannical regimes, but if I were to slip that into every column, each one would be about 10,000 words.

      In any case, I think it’s crucial that if one is to be hated, it is best to be despised and pilloried by those whose world outlook is repugnant. -Sherry

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